I tell myself through the anxious haze that has fogged my mind and clouded my vision,
This isn’t the time or place
I repeat through the sobs.
This isn’t worth your tears or time
I wish I could tell you all the things that are racing through my mind
Ask a million questions
But in the end, I will never really know why
I wish I could bring myself to hate you
Yell the things I wish I said
But I could never intentionally hurt
Not the way that you hurt me
I know you feel defeated, so I’ll keep these words with me.
Did you think that you were clever?
That you could get away with you lie?
If you didn’t want to hurt me then please tell me why.
Do you even really know me
And the things that make me tick?
Did you care to take the chance?
Do you realize you nearly destroyed me?
You did a number on my self esteem
Made feel that I was crazy
Every time I asked you why?
You had me thinking I could trust you
That the problem was just my pride.
You made me feel I wasn’t worth it
You made me feel so fucking small
You hid me in the corner
Your secret hidden shame
And every time I asked you if I should walk away
You held on and told your lies
You made feel like I was crazy and that I was just picking a fight
But these just scratch the surface of the things I wish I said
If I could only hate you maybe the pain would go away…
Did you know that even now I can’t bring myself to regret?