Let’s try to keep this short and sweet.
So you dated/fucked my sister (@_Innamorata_) and it didn’t work out with you guys.
It really does. You have my sincerest apologies.
For whatever reason you guys just couldn’t work out your differences, you wanted this and she wanted that. She wanted more and you wanted less. It’s crummy but it is a way of life and an unfortunate possibility when you start something new with someone…. but you knew that going in right? (Pun not intended I swear!)
I genuinely wish you the best in your future endeavors (ooppss I know that sounds so stuffy and proper, my bad).
I’m sure there is a person out there that will do it for you and vice versa. But I need you to understand one very simple fact.
That person is not and will never be me.
Let me stop you now before you say anything else that’s gonna make me uncomfortable and extremely bothered… and so not in a good way.
I am sure that you are an exceptional lover and a great individual. That’s not what’s this is about.
I am not questioning your prowess or talking smack about your package or lady bits. I am sure they are lovely and you know how to handle business but I’m not interested in exploring that with you.
I am also most certainly not rolling my eyes at your pick up lines… ok, ok I’m sorta lying on this last one, but that’s only because I was there when my sister read that same exact message when you sent it to her.
It’s a ridiculously small pool, I am well aware of that. We get requests and messages from the same people all the time and we don’t freak out, but once one of us have gone down that road, the other one won’t be following. It’s just all sorts of icky when you really think about it… or at least it’s a gross thought for us. (Please refer to [That’s my sister][https://fetlife.com/users/7020708/posts/4408712] for a thorough explanation as to why).
I know she and I are both great and hilarious, perfectly geeky/nerdy and super cute… *flips hair* (please note I’m being slightly flippant and sarcastic) and that does something for you, but that’s just…
Nope. Nah uh. Not gonna happen. Hard no. Never gonna happen (I know my age is showing itself cause I’m casually jamming to the chorus of ‘My Loving’ by En Vogue)
I can’t even with this train of thought. I need chocolate. And wine. I’m just too skeeved out.
Can we be friends? I dunno…. Maybe?
But then, the way you approached me wasn’t all that friendly. Or rather it was a little too friendly and I’m just not down with that.
Otherwise, this post would not have been necessary.
Sorry, not sorry.
Good luck though with the next, I honestly mean it! It just won’t be me.