Tis the season for makeouts and breakups. Not sure what it is about the summer months here but people’s libidos go into overdrive which usually results in an abundance of hookups and the dreaded breakup. I suffer from bleeding heart syndrome, basically I’m everyone’s go to for problems and I’m too damn nice to say no. I think I prefer the random hookup text from my friends over the breakup phone call.
Lately, I seem to be on call for everyone. No matter the time or day, my phone seems to be going off with one problem or another waiting or me on the other end of the line. Some of my friends/family are straight to the point and others are blubbering balls of messiness that require a bottle or 2 of Malbec and some ranting.
I’ve gotten that nonsensical call from about 4 friends within the last week or so and my stock of wine has seriously started to dwindle. I can honestly say that I haven’t been too shocked or bothered by any of them, but today the hammer fell on 1 relationship I thought was going pretty well… this couple, which wasn’t exactly a couple but more of a FWB thing seemed to be doing alright until recently when my friend realized that there was less of friends involved with this relationship and just a whole lotta benefits. She called a quits and the guy decided that it was better for all involved if he belittled every little thing she had ever done in their tryst. She had apparently never been there for him and he did all the work. Now that things had ended, there was a lot being said that should have been said while they were together. A while it made sense, it seemed that now more than ever, they were no longer on the same page. Each party felt wronged and it was now a battle of he said she said. I hate that whole nonsense, I prefer to see things play out for myself, which in a way I had.
I’ve always been 100% sure that communication was the key to any and all relationships regardless of whether they are lowkey chill or extremely serious. Monogamous or poly. You need communication to navigate through life, it’s an integral part of work, friendship, families and everything in between… which might be why I fail at all things lol. I’ve also always known that I was pretty crap at it unless I felt comfortable enough to call a person on their shit, which takes some time for me. I had come to the conclusion that this was the cause on my part of the downfall of some of my short-lived relationships.
But this friend’s recent breakup kinda threw that all out the window. Apparently, we’ve been doing things wrong for well… forever.
We were under the impression that you do not pry in people’s lives. You let them talk to you about their problems when they are ready. A simple “I’m here if you need me” is the customary line that is supposed to encompass all the supporting emotions. It’s supposed to let the other person know that they had someone in their corner when they were ready to unload. We both were of the mindset that prying was a no no since neither of us liked to be the clingy kind. But it seems that not everyone understands that or at least not everyone can get on board with that concept. And, to be fair, I guess it sorta makes sense because some people hate asking for any kind of help. I’m normally that person but it still seems so foreign to me.
So how does one effectively maneuver a relationship where the significant other is going through a whole bunch of stuff and things. Do you do the customary “I’m here if you need me” spiel which can inadvertently make you appear disinterested? Do you hope they open up on their own or do you pry like hell into their life? Is there a freaking middle ground or do you cross your fingers and hope to whatever divine being you can think of that things go well and you aren’t seen as a douche regardless of what you do?
I don’t know if it’s just me but I’m gonna stick with the whole “I’m here is you need to talk” situation because I can’t get behind the whole prying thing. Invasion of privacy is a big mother effing no in my book. I personally feel like it means more to the relationship if they trust you enough to tell you on their own but some people don’t operate like that, but you have to remember that’s not on you.
It needs to be said that even with that built in inhibitor that keeps you from talking about your problems, communication should still play a vital role in your relationships. People love to point fingers but they never seem willing to look in a mirror to own up to their own faults. If you feel like you aren’t getting something from your partner you need to communicate that bit of information. They aren’t mind readers so they won’t be able to fix anything if they don’t know that there is something missing in your relationship. Please, don’t wait until the whole thing blows up! You aren’t doing anyone a favor by keeping your mouth shut until they end it. What do you hope to gain from that? Ammunition for the breakup conversation? That is not the time to start the pointing and name calling game. Maturity speaks volumes about your character and while I can joke around and act a fool with the best of them, I prefer we don’t turn into a puddle of *I hate you* tears when the relationship ends.
After this friend’s text message breakup convo from hell, I’ve decided that from here on out I promise to push past my nerves and say it like it is to any future SO/play partners and require them to do the same… which means if I feel like we aren’t having enough sex, Imma let you know and if I get bratty, that means my booty isn’t being spanked enough.