I am…

I am a paradox, a conundrum, a series of complexities that usually make no sense.
I enjoy the feel of arms wrapped around me, that security that comes with the perfect hug and cuddle. But I sometimes hate being touched. I crave the solitude and strive to have those moments to myself, where I don’t need to please anybody else.
I enjoy the simplicity and the art of communication, even if I particularly bad at it. The way the words form and create a beautiful symphony of I know yous or I want to know you. But I need that separation. I need my space. I need that distance. If you’re always there I get frustrated. It’s too much intimacy and I feel trapped. I need to know that I can do my own thing, but if you are too distant I can get all in my head and that my dears is a scary place to be.
I’m an outgoing introvert. It’s a thing I swear. Basically I can fake being social while I die a little (a lot) on the inside… I come off as personable but I second guess my every move. I tend to leave the room or ‘use’ the bathroom so I can get my bearings and freak out with no one watching. Honestly, I like going out but I hate social events because they make me all sorts of anxious.
I will yell at the TV screen and say all sorts of ridiculousness that makes those around me laugh. But I will squint at you with evil eyes if you interrupt something I’m trying to see or a particularly potent scene/song… unless it’s Disney. If you don’t sing along to Disney with me I am not sure we can be friends… or that I even want to be friends with someone so so so not normal. Just sayin’
Grammar is important but I can’t English. I can’t Spanish too well either. I can write some pretty epic scholarly ish but I’m ‘broken’ my brain doesn’t send words to my mouth the way it should so there are a lot of Tiffany-ism, words that do not exist in the English dictionary but definitely should.
Sarcasm is my favorite language. It makes it easier to hide the mushy, feely person that cries at the sappy stuff in movies… which is why I’m more likely to choose a bloody horror movie when given the option.
I will root for the underdog and swoon for the hero but I will curse at happily ever afters because I don’t believe they exists. I’ve never seen it prevail. I refuse to believe… even if a part of me, the little girl that never grew up and clings to a stuffie when the world gets too rough, still wishes on stars, eyelashes, railroads, and at 11:11. I will always dreams dreams even if they seem too big.
I don’t really look Latina and that’s fine, my attitude makes up for that visual discrepancy. My Spanish is horrible unless I’m peeved or I’ve injured myself again… then, I’m extremely proficient in cussing you and the universe out.
My spotify playlists are eclectic as hell. It’s a weird modge podge of genres and I like it that way. When I’m driving and performing I WANT to hear my 90s R&B/Hip Hop followed by 80s dance music and then jam out to salsa, bachata or reggaeton. I wanna seamlessly move between Rock and Indie and the occasional show-tune. If I’m driving, which I normally am cause I have no patience for people’s South Florida road fuckery, I get to choose the music 😛
I hate people that cut me off while driving or speed past me… because I’m that asshat that’s already driving way too fast so I just KNOW your gonna fuck somebody’s day up by crashing into them. Also I WILL cut you off but at least I use my signal to let you butt munches on the road know I’m getting in that effing lane whether you like it or not. It’s not entirely my fault, I’m a product of my upbringing. I learned to drive from a crazy old Puerto Rican man who probably shouldn’t have a license .. if I’m honest anyone that learned to drive on the island probably shouldn’t even be allowed in a DMV -*Shrugs shoulders*- and then I ‘perfected’ my driving on the never fully constructed Miami roads… in a manual Nissan 240 that had craptastic power steering.
If we play video games together, I will judge you left and right for using the same move over and over but when you’re not looking I’ll do the same and laugh when you start cursing my name…
(It has just been brought to my attention that apparently watching me play video games is entertaining cause of my potty mouth)
I like to be dominated but I hate being told what to do. My submission is not a sure thing.
I will give until there’s nothing left for me to give but I will not be taken for granted. I’m a stubborn bitch so I will say something even if I get all shaky and jittery and haaattteeee confrontations.
I am ridiculously clumsy… it’s a talent really. But when I’m dancing I’m a completely different person. I have rarely injured myself during dance. I have no fucking idea where that poise comes from it just does.
My longest relationship is my current one…. I am in a committed relationship with my pillow. Fuck you, you judge-y person you… it’s that ever cool memory foam one that is utter perfection. It is quite literally like sleeping on a cloud. Or what I assume a cloud feels like. I don’t know I can’t really fly. (I’m obviously being facetious about it being my longest relationship but it is super comfy). I love sleep but I have the hardest time shutting off my thoughts and actually sleeping so if I do manage to fall asleep, wake me up at your own peril. You better get creative and nice damn it, none of that cold water b.s.
Books. If you say I have to many… you are dead to me. I physically cannot speak to you anymore. The betrayal is just too much for my fragile heart to handle.
I am only organized because I hate cleaning. I’m only okay with it when I’m angry or bothered or procrastinating. I will do anything to distract myself from deadlines and projects but my best work comes when I’m cutting it close.
I’ve got a pretty high pain threshold, except for when I stub my toes or bump my head. In those instances I am a big baby about it. There is a strong possibility that there will be tears.
I love tattoos, looking at them, getting them, planning them. The whole process is therapeutic for me. I’m even good with piercings I just haven’t felt like getting any lately. Anyway, I’m apparently an anomaly that barely registers the pain of either process, but I absolutely HATE needles. Which is ridiculously inconvenient when it comes to medical purposes.
I cannot work on 1 project at a time, I need to distract myself or I’ll burn out so I write my books in 3s, same with posts and dances.
In a nutshell….
I am unapologetically me and that took me years to be okay with. I like the conundrum that is me, it means life will never get boring. So I’m not looking to change any of these things to satisfy anyone’s needs. I’m happy with who I’ve become throughout the years. Changing for someone who might just be passing by in a life I have to live everyday is not something that I’m down with. I never will be. If that makes you unhappy then you can move along. I’m sure there is a girl that fits your ideal of perfection and I genuinely wish you the best of luck in finding her 🙂

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