This healthy life struggle though…

I started this gym thing about a year and a half ago. I decided it was time to take control, or attempt to control, some aspect of my life. I was always an active person, I grew up playing sports like cross country, volleyball, softball and basketball. All of which were an unavoidable component to my childhood due to my father’s profession. I also got involved with dance at a young age for two reasons, music is ridiculously important to my family whether it be making it or moving to it and because a girlfriend of my father saw how much I loved to move to the sounds pumping through the speakers. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I get this starry-eyed look when I see a dance piece that moves me.

All of that has kept me active throughout the years, through the ups and downs of life, but I was never a fan of ritually going to the gym. I hate the crowds and waiting to use the equipment. It all felt so pointless and mundane. But when my meds kept making me put on weight, I got fed up and realized that my day to day activities were not gonna cut it anymore. I got a membership at a 24-hour gym since I’m a night owl and started going so about an hour two times a week. I saw my weight fluctuate as my meds kept getting adjusted. As I got more and more comfortable with the environment I started going to the gym for longer periods of time and then eventually I started going 4 to 5 times a week for about 2 hours. I actually like the gym now even though I still hate the crowds so I try to go at the quieter hours. I get to work through whatever nonsense has burrowed its way into my subconscious and I feel more in control of my health. I still hate arm day… it literally feels like I’m rowing a boat and I get so bored but leg day is a whole different story. My absolute favorite day is leg day, I get to focus on my legs, do all the crazy things and as a bonus, I get to torture my sister and friend.

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BUT, I have a problem with my butt. It looks like it’s getting smaller and that is a big ole no no. I’m not sure if my thighs have just gotten bigger since they have more muscles or my butt has legit shrunk. When I wear my pencil skirts to work or certain dresses it still looks like the same ole bubble butt but most other times I looks smaller, like it’s lost its squish…. And yet my inner thighs are still the bane of my existence lol.

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I don’t workout to lose weight even though I have, rather like I said earlier, I do this so I feel more in control, it’s more about maintaining my weight in a healthy way so my meds don’t continue to make a balloon out of me. When you are given a medication that is supposed to make things easier on you but wrecks havoc on your self-esteem it’s hard to feel in control of your health. It’s a great stress reliever when you have a bunch of pent up energy. The gym gives that control back to me but I better not be losing my tushie or I might start flipping tables.

P.S. I swear if one more person tries to tell me unrepresented advice about what to do with my curves or my squishy parts I may go berserk. My body is my own and it is not for your amusement or approval. What I do with it is my own business. If I lose weight then I lose weight, it is honestly not about that but I’d be stupid to think I won’t lose any especially as the prednisone gets adjusted.

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