The kind of girl that will drive you crazy

One of my anthropology professors asked my class to write about ourselves. He wanted us to write an informal introduction that we might use if asked to post this on a social media site. I’m assuming it has to do with internet culture, which is kinda interesting in itself. It’s not all that great and I have never actually had to describe myself in the way that we were asked to but hey I did it and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to share it here since it is technically an informal social media intro.


I’m short. Really short. Legit 5 feet. I can’t reach anything on any kind of top shelf. I will bug the shit out of you, not because I’ll ask for help but rather because I’m a stubborn pain in the ass and I will always try to do it on my own. This usually results in an injury. 98% of the time, my own.

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I fully accept that I’m a mess. A complete and utter mess.

I’ve never really been fond of my name. Growing up, I had the least Hispanic name of all my cousins. Also, none of the older non-English speaking family members could say Tiffany correctly so there was a lot of frustration and confusion when I was younger. Some of them gave me easy to remember and pronounce nicknames like Lulu, but the vast majority used a butchered version of my name. My last name doesn’t help matters. It’s either always misspelled or pronounced incorrectly. It is NOT Irish, there is no freaking apostrophe and it ends in a ‘Z’ not an ‘S’.

  •             How to pronounce it properly in Spanish: O-Ah-Reez
  •             How to pronounce it if you can’t speak a lick of Spanish: OH-HAIR-riz

Spanish was my first language, but my Spanish is abysmal. I understand it perfectly. I can speak it for the most part but if I don’t speak it frequently I can’t remember anything.

I’m clumsy. So clumsy, I regularly trip going up the stairs, I bang by legs against dresser drawers and I’ve broken my bones outside of sports or dance (although I have done that too)… like breaking my toe getting out of the shower, during kick boxing… and with a picture frame. Don’t ask just try to accept that being a klutz is an inane talent that I reign supreme at. It honestly runs in my family

I can be really awkward. Or rather, I should say, shy. I get tongue tied or freak out talking to people. If I’m attracted to you… welp, I’m pretty hopeless BUT as I start to feel more comfortable around you that tends to fade but I will always nervous giggle and blush.

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I can be a bit sassy. I can normally control myself but the more stressed I am, the worse I get. Regardless, I’m often told that even if I can control my mouth, my face needs deliverance.

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My sister is one of my best friends and sometimes, we scare people with our similarities. We are insane together, our jokes can be crass though and occasionally self deprecating. We aren’t being serious most of the time, but if we can’t laugh at our own faults, we’ll be miserable. To be in my life, you kinda have to accept our craziness. #SorryNotSorry

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In that vein… all my friends and family are pretty much the same kind of sarcastic butt munches but they mean the world to me.

We are Latin, that means I get loud whenever we are together.

When I get keyed up, in particular angry, frustrated, nervous, sad, or even sexually frustrated I tend to clean. It’s particularly bad if I haven’t been able to go to the gym. I have a problem focusing when this happens.

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I can unintentionally go quiet at a moment’s notice. It honestly has no bearing on the other person but when things get busy, particularly at work or with school I get distracted and forget to communicate with people. It sucks cause it can even happen if I really do want to talk to that person. I’m absolutely horrible at texting first, it is way easier if there is already a conversation happening but seriously forget about phone calls they get me way too flustered and I’m likely to awkward giggle through it all. It’s not endearing. I hate it, my bad.

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I actually enjoy school despite all my bitching. There is always something worth learning and this is usually when my communication skills go to shit,

I have a bit of a hot and cold personality. I’m really caring and I’m always there for the people that matter to me but I can get bothered by too much attention. To elaborate, I wanna know you care as much as I do but please don’t suffocate me. I like space as much as I like hugs and I fucking love hugs. It’s weird and I’m a pain, this time I’m genuinely sorry for the headache.

I refuse to choose between cats and dogs. Hello, FLUFFY ANIMALS! I personally have 3, a cat and 2 dogs.

If you see me reading… don’t interrupt me unless it’s something really good. It’s dangerous to your health

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Video games, I love em. I don’t get to play them often cause life… but I love them. I have a retro gaming setup that includes Sega Genesis and Ninetendo NES just to name a few.

ANNDDD Lastly

My hips can’t lie… they are basically nonexistent. Sorry Ma! Sorry Puerto Ricans everywhere! I’ve failed my people! (Please note I’m being facetious with that last statement even though the hip thing is true.)

To quote Giennon Doyle Melton “I understand now that I am not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world.”

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